WIBTAH if I charge my aunt the price of her own groceries?
About two months ago, I(21F) asked my aunt (42F) if I could stay at her house for the night because my mother was being insane. When I woke up, I immediately washed her mountains (when I say mountains, I mean MOUNTAINS.) of dishes, organized her kitchen and helped her out with my niece (1F). The day turned into a week, and my issues with my mom became worse and worse. I tried to justify my existence by helping out the most I could around the house. The house was a mess, and she really needed it.
When the week ended, we sat down and had a conversation about what my plans were. I said, until I got a job, would it be possible for me to stay in her sofa? I’d promise to help out with my niece, and help her clean her house. She said she would pay me in exchange of my help, because my help was greatly appreciated. I told her payment wasn’t really necessary. I was willing to help out in exchange for meals and a roof over my head. This was our deal, or so I thought.
It's a nice thought, to help out around the house that's letting you stay for free. Everyone can use a little extra help around the house, especially if you have kids. The aunt in this story definitely needed help, and it was the right thing to do for this young woman, who was living rent-free. At least so she thought. But things quickly started to devolve in this relationship and she wasn't sure which way was up.
By the end, my aunt would get increasingly inpatient and more demanding. I was her in-charge assistant from 10am to 9pm, with very little time to myself. Any moment she could hand off the baby to me she could, and if she didn’t, I’d be washing dishes, mopping the floor, cleaning the kitchen, helping her cook or upending her entire closet. She very much had a hoarding problem and her closet was from floor to roof full of stuff. She wanted it cleaned, and I was the one to help her do all of that. On the day the met gala happened, I was very much of a fan of the met gala and i wanted to check in every half an hour to see the new outfits for just a minute. She found this incredibly frustrating. She told that the moment I finished a task, I had to immediately ask for another, and she found it annoying I would check my phone. Considering I was doing this in exchange for a sofa to sleep on and meals I was okay with this.
Then I got a job. I moved to my grandparents house for the job and ended living there. On weekdays, I get on the bus at 6:30 am and get off the bus at 7:20pm, my weekdays are full. My weekends, I need that rest. On my first weekend after the job, my aunt picked me up to help her out with my niece, and when I was a little bit tired, she complained to me that my vibe was off and I was not enthusiastic helping like usual. I found it funny, how not only was she milking me for help for free (considering she was no longer providing me food or a roof, I didn’t owe her anymore, I was just helping her on my weekend because of kindness) but complaining my help was subpar. I found it so funny I mentioned it to my father offhandedly. He frowned and mentioned I was always helping her out for free. I said no, I owed it to her before because I used to live with her for free. He corrected me. Apparently, all the time I was living with her and being her personal maid, my dad was PAYING HER. She was being paid for having a maid, essentially. This upset me, especially because originally she was going to pay me for it, but I said no as long as she gave me a food or home, all the while she was being paid to give me it.
I was upset about it, but I let it go.
You should never take advantage of the people in your life, even if they owe you something. You may be doing them a favor, but you still have to treat them with the dignity that everyone respects. You should never overdo it. But that's exactly what this aunt was doing. She was having her cake and eating it too, as it were. If she was being paid the whole time, then why was she expecting such major help around the house? Clearly, this wasn't right.
This weekend, I crashed my aunts sofa again. Of course, I spent as much time as I could doing housework and helping out with the baby. On saturday, my uncle and aunt were going to do their groceries via uber eats, and I mentioned to them they should do it on my phone and pay me back because I had some uber eats credits I never use. They bought their stuff, and I notified them the bill was 41 bucks total thanks to my uber credits, and they could pay me back. My aunt corrected me and said they would pay less than 41 bucks, considering I am going to eat some of the stuff of the groceries they buy.
Would I be the ****ole if i was like “yes it will be 41 bucks”? Even though my aunt has not been grateful all that much to me directly, she told my dad my help has been lifesaving and she was so willing to pay me for it. I could have taken that offer, but i didn't. But on top of that, charging me for groceries is a bit kinda crazy, no? I’ve been tremendous help for them. The fact that these adults are going to cheap out on me is upsetting to me, especially because I didn’t count on them to ask me for money. Or am I being the ****ole?
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